Why should my child learn about gender at school?

• Views and language about gender are changing rapidly. In addition, our children are encountering diverse presentations and experiences of gender almost everywhere they turn – among their classmates and friends, across social media, in popular culture, as they interact with the everyday world and increasingly in their own families. To not give them a way to make sense of that experience is to leave them unprepared to interact with the rest of the world. Just as we help young people make sense of other examples of difference they encounter, so too must we give them the tools to make sense of this aspect of life as well.
• School is a place where children are taught to respect one another and to learn to work together regardless of their differences. Learning about gender diversity is part of that work. Our students are growing up in a world that is increasingly recognizing the diversity of gender. Creating a more tolerant, inclusive, and accepting school environment teaches all children to recognize and resist stereotypes. We teach children to stand up for others, to resist bullying, and to work together.
• We also know that many children whose gender is seen as different than what is expected of them can face very difficult circumstances. Too often teasing, bullying, and violence are common experiences for a gender-expansive child. A growing number of school districts and states specifically prohibit bullying and harassment of students based on gender expression or identity. Furthermore, various federal, state and municipal laws protect students from discrimination because of their gender. Proactive education and training to help students understand gender diversity more fully helps school districts meet those legal obligations while working to create a safer, more supportive learning environment for all students.

Isn't my child too young to be learning about gender?

• Children are already learning about it. Messages about gender are everywhere, and children receive very clear messages about the “rules” for boys and girls, as well as the consequences for violating them. By learning about the diversity of gender, children have an opportunity to explore a greater range of interests, ideas, and activities. For all children, the pressure of “doing gender correctly,” is greatly reduced, creating more space for them to discover new talents and interests.
• Whether in or out of school, children will encounter other children exhibiting wide ranges of gender expression. This is normal and, with a little reflection, we can all recognize it as something we encountered during our own childhoods as well. Tomboys or shy, sensitive boys are commonly recognized examples of children who buck societal expectations of gender expression. These children, and all children, deserve a safe, supportive learning environment in which they can thrive and empower themselves.

If you are talking about gender, aren’t you discussing reproduction and sexuality?

• The simple answer is “no.” When we discuss gender, we talk about what people like to wear, the activities they engage in, and how they feel about themselves. This is not sexuality. Sexuality involves physical intimacy and attraction. Gender is about self-identity. Gender identity is a person’s internal sense of where they fit on the gender spectrum. This includes all kids, “typically” gendered or not.
• If responding to questions that arise about physical sex, the discussion uses phrases such as “private parts,” and even if anatomical terms come up, nothing specific to human reproduction or sexuality is taught. For the most part, children are simply not raising these questions. While as adults, we struggle to separate the ideas of gender and sexuality (primarily because many of us were taught that they are one and the same), children have an ability to grasp the complexity of gender diversity because sexuality does not factor in to complicate their understanding.

Ideas about gender diversity go against the values we are instilling in my child at home. Are you trying to teach my child to reject these values?

• Absolutely not. Our children encounter people with different beliefs when they join any community. While one aim for learning about diversity is to become more accepting of those around us, not everyone is going to be best friends. That does not mean that they can’t get along and learn together. 
• The purpose of learning about gender diversity is to demonstrate that children are unique and that there is no single way to be a boy or a girl or any other gender. If a child does not agree with or understand another student’s gender identity or expression, they do not have to change how they feel inside about it. However, they also do not get to make fun of, harass, or harm other students whose gender identity or expression they don’t understand or support. 
• Gender inclusive education is about teaching students to live and work with others. You do not need to fully understand another person’s experience to treat them appropriately. It comes down to the simple agreement that all children must be treated with kindness and respect.

Won’t my child get confused if we speak about more than two genders?

• Experience shows that, with developmentally appropriate information, children of any age are able to understand that there are more than the two gender categories frequently recognized by our society. When it is explained to them in a simple, age appropriate manner, gender diversity is an easy concept for children to grasp.
• When we help children see that various aspects of gender – whether one’s identity, expression or body – is different for different people, it does not confuse them. Instead, it gives them confidence that as they come to understand their own gender, there does not exist one right answer or journey to which they must adhere. Far from creating confusion, this reality allows them to take pride and honor their own as well as others’ gender experiences.
• When you discuss gender with your child, you may hear them exploring where they fit on the gender spectrum and why. This shows that they understand that everyone may have some variation of gender expression or identity outside of stereotypical norms. Their use of language or their reflections about their own gender may surprise you. In fact, you may find that they have language and experiences with the topic that are quite informed. We encourage all parents to approach these discussions with an air of openness and inquiry.